Sorry
by idioticonion
Summary: Barney has a really bad day. AU - set after S04 The Best Burger in New York
1. Chapter 1

Monday

Lily found Barney slumped face down across the bar at McLaren's one rainy Monday night, just after midnight. She'd only come downstairs in the hope of beating her increasingly rampant insomnia brought on by the stress of their imminent move to the Dowistrepla. She figured that a nightcap (or two) might possibly help her sleep and it was either that or listen to Marshall snoring for another two hours.

As she came through the door, Carl signalled to her, gesturing across this throat as he said, "I've cut him off. He's had enough."

Lily frowned, concerned, and shook Barney's shoulder. He spluttered awake and batted her hand away. "Hwahhht?" He said, one eye seemingly glued shut. He didn't seemed to notice that one of his sleeves was soaked in spilled beer.

"Jesus, Barney! What happened to you?" Lily said, with a half smile of someone who doesn't know if it's appropriate to make fun of their friend's misfortune in case something really serious has happened.

He rubbed his eyes and tried to front it out. "Nothing! Why? What's up with you?"

"Oh please!" She stopped him, ready to give him a punch if needed. "As if that hard-man act was ever going to work on me?" And he did look awful. His eyes were really red and puffy. "Barney Stinson, have you been _crying_?"

She felt like a bully as she said it because his expression kind-of folded and he slumped down in his seat, not meeting her eye.

"No…" He said, lip curled.

"Barney, seriously! What's up?"

He let out a huge sigh, followed by a hiccup. Still not looking at her, he mumbled, "I told her. Robin. I told her."

Lily shook her head. "I'm sorry, what?"

Barney frowned and looked up, his eyes glazed, reflecting the bar-lights. "We got a little drunk. It was… a bad day… And I told her. I told Robin I love her."

Lily let out a half-squeal of delight. "No! You didn't. What did she… say…" Her voice trailed off as she realised that, from the state of him, it couldn't have been anything good.

"She laughed." He said, still staring into the distance. "At first."

Lily grimaced. When in kindergarten, she'd always tell her kids to try and find the bright side of any bad news. "Well…" She said. "It must have been shock. I mean, did you prepare her for it? Or just leap right in?"

He didn't answer. Maudlin, taciturn Barney was really someone she had no idea how to deal with.

"Okay, so after the… laughter… what did Robin say then?"

"She said… some things." He said vaguely. "She called me some names. Then she said she'd never speak to me again because I'm such a dick for ruining our friendship." Barney's voice never lost its robotic tone; he didn't even seem to see her. But Lily could see the tears filling his eyes.

"Oh sweetie," She said, her heart going out to him. "She didn't mean it. I'll talk to her."

He seemed to come back to himself, focussing on Lily for a moment. "Yeah, she meant it. And she's right. It was a stupid thing to do. I should never have told her."

"No!" Lily said. "No, baby!" She put her arms around him and he leaned into her embrace, trembling like a child. "Oh Barney, I'm so sorry!" She said, kissing the top of his head.  
"Lily…" He mumbled, his breath hitching. "I've screwed everything up. Why would she ever want me?"

She pulled away slightly, cupping his face with her hands and forcing him to look at her. "Barney, stop it. You're adorable! And handsome… and generous… and kind… and charming… and…" She kissed him on the cheek. It was supposed to be an innocent kiss, a comforting kiss, like a sister might give to her brother to cheer him up. But he turned his head and his lips met hers and they were surprisingly warm and insistent and before she knew it she had her tongue down this throat and his hands were running up and down her back and if she hadn't needed to come up for air it might have gone on for much, much longer…

Barney jerked away from her as if stung. He ran the back of his hand across his mouth, his expression one of complete horror and revulsion.

"Oh- g- g-" He stuttered, stumbling off the bar stool and almost falling in his effort to get away from her.

Lily stood there, still tasting him, her lips pulsing, not able to process quite what had just happened.

"Oh god I'm sorry… Sorry…" Barney seemed all elbows and knees as he careened across the bar, bumping into tables and chairs as he made for the door. "Sorry!" He called out one last time before diving through the door.

Lily sat down heavily on the stool, her fingers still touching her lips. Finally she looked over her shoulder at Carl, who winked at her, and the full realisation of what she'd done hit her.

"Oh crap," She said.

There was no way she'd get to sleep now.


	2. Chapter 2

Tuesday

"Has anyone heard from Barney?" Asked Ted, checking his cell phone.

"Not me," Robin said and Lily shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.

"I haven't seen him all day at work, which is kind-a weird." Marshall offered.

"Yeah, weird. I texted him about two hours ago about dinner and he still hasn't replied."

Lily watched Marshall and Ted as they both inspected Ted's phone. She felt her cheeks colour.

"Ah, I think that could be my fault," Robin said finally, shifting in her seat.

"Why?" Marshall asked innocently.

"You didn't sleep with him again?" Ted asked, grinning. When he saw Robin's expression, he sat back in his chair. "You _didn't_?"

"No!" Robin protested. "No, no. no! And Ew!" She punched Ted on the arm. "No!"

"Then what?" Marshall asked.

"We had a… fight… last night." Robin replied, reluctantly.

"What about?" Marshall badgered her. Lily wondered if she should ask something but worried that anything she said would reveal that she already knew exactly what Robin and Barney had fought about. Besides, she really wanted to know Robin's side of the story. And it would take her mind of any accidental kiss-age that might have gone on last night as well.

"Well, he sort of… said that he loved me," Robin said, deadpan.

Ted started to laugh, then he stopped when he realised no one else was joining him .

"Exactly my reaction," Robin replied.

"I don't get it," Ted said. "What was his angle? It was a joke, right?"

"Well, nope. Apparently he really is in love with me. He said that he has been for a while but it's only just now that he's come out and told me."

"Well it's about time!" Marshall said.

The others looked at him in shock.

"What?" Ted said, glaring at his best friend.

"Well, dude, I'm sorry, but I can't be the only one who hasn't noticed that Barney's been pathetically in love with Robin since the summer?"

"What?" Ted repeated, spluttering.

Robin shook her head. She looked a little sick, Lily thought.

"Well, you gotta have noticed the signs?" Marshall explained. "He always laughs too loudly at her jokes, always finds excuses to sit next to her."

Ted looked thoughtful then began to nod suspiciously. "Yeah, he totally does!"

"And of course, Barney told Lily," Marshall concluded, beaming.

"What?" It was Lily's turn to say. "No! I mean, yes! Except, I never told you, Marshall. He swore me to secrecy!"

Marshall gave her a look. Damn stupid telepathy, Lily thought.

"So what did you say?" Ted asked, looking at Robin. "To this grand revelation? I mean, I'm not even sure if it's possible for Barney to have real feelings. I mean, he's _Satan_!"

Lily tutted. "Ted, that's bitchy."

Robin was frowning, Lily noticed, almost as if she was holding herself back from defending Barney too.

"I told him not to be so ridiculous," Robin said. "Then I might have shouted at him for a little while. But it was fine. We're fine… I thought we were fine." She mumbled, blushing.

Lily caught her eye and nodded her head subtly towards the restroom but Robin shook hers. Hell, if Robin didn't want to talk about it, there was nothing she could do, but Lily suspected that Robin was as messed up inside as she was right then.

"So what should we do?" Ted asked. "Leave Barney alone?"

Lily didn't think that was such a good idea. After the state Barney had been in the previous night, she thought that he could do with at least one friend. However, she couldn't exactly volunteer. She cringed in on herself. If Marshall ever found out…

"Yeah, I guess," Marshall agreed. "If Robin thinks it's best?"

They all looked at Robin.

"Don't ask me!" She said, clearly flustered. "How the hell should I know?"

Lily patted her hand soothingly.

"It's Barney," Ted said, shaking his head. "He's probably in some random bimbo's bed right now. Besides, Robin's made her feelings clear."

Lily bit her lip. If she could just text Barney…? Just find out if he was okay? But what if that led to- No! That was stupid. It was just one kiss! It wasn't as if she was suddenly going to leap into bed with him. Barney was like a brother to her. A sweet, womanizing, excellent-kisser brother. Oh crap.

Lily leaned against Marshall and he put his arm around her shoulder while she swallowed down the guilt.

"So that's agreed?" Ted asked, and they all nodded.

Perhaps tomorrow things would look a little better?

*--*--*

Wednesday

The next afternoon, Lily and Ted were in the apartment, trying to find ways to avoid doing any packing for their respective moves, when Marshall rang. Lily put him on speaker.

"Hey baby," Marshall's voice rang out. "I'm gonna be a bit late home again."

"Again?" Lily said, unable to hide the annoyance from her voice. Ever since her husband had got that new job at Goliath National Bank, she'd hardly seen him. At it really wasn't helping to ease her feelings of residual guilt about the Barney situation.

"I'm sorry, Lily-pad. But if I screw up this job, I don't think even Barney could get me another one…"

Lily tried not to flinch as she heard Barney's name, very aware that Ted was listening.

"…speaking of which," Marshall continued, "Barney didn't turn up to work today. And he also didn't come in yesterday, apparently. Bilson said he's called in sick…"

Lily gave Ted an alarmed look.

"…but to be honest, I don't think Bilson even spoke to him. Most people around here don't even seem to know what Barney really does!" Marshall laughed. "Anyway, so I phoned Barney and left a message asking if he wants us to make him some chicken soup or something…"

"You mean if he wants _me_ to make him some soup?" Lily said, trying to keep the bitter edge out of her voice.

"Yeah, you're a wonderful wife," Marshall continued, oblivious.

"I still think Barney's holed up somewhere having a ten-way," Ted said, loud enough for Marshall to hear.

"Totally!" Marshall replied. Lily shook her head. She was a little worried now. Robin's reaction last night had hinted that things were very far from all right. And if Robin and Barney really did fall out, would Barney cut himself off from the group again, like he'd done when he and Ted had been arguing? It worried her. As much as she didn't really want to face Barney right then, Lily couldn't help but remember how much she'd missed him in the months following Ted's birthday the previous year.

"Look, Marshall," Ted said, "If we haven't heard from Barney by this evening, we'll go round to his apartment and check on him, okay?"

Lily gave Ted an approving smile. Perhaps Ted was picking up a little of Marshall's telepathic skills?

But then again, she really hoped not!

"Yeah, look, gotta go guys." Marshall said hurriedly and hung up.

Ted patted Lily's shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry, Lil. I'm sure Barney's fine."

Lily grinned nervously. If only she could believe him.


	3. Chapter 3

Thursday

"You see?" Ted said, as he was getting ready for work. "I told you."

"You should have gone inside to check!" Lily replied, trying to keep the edge of panic out of her voice.

"Lily, you've still got the spare key. What was I supposed to do? Barney's building supervisor is super-intimidating." Ted grinned, boyishly and Lily rolled her eyes.

Marshall had been very late home the previous night so Ted had gone to see Barney on his own.

"There were no lights on and I knocked on the door for, like, five minutes. He wasn't there. I told you, he's found himself a bimbo!"

"A three-day bimbo?" Lily asked, disbelievingly.

Ted shrugged. "Multiple bimbos, perhaps? A bimbo-spree? That's what it takes to get over Robin..." He chuckled. "I should know, after all!"

Lily punched him. "Ted! That's my friend you're talking about!" Right then, she wasn't quite sure if she meant Barney or Robin!

"Hey," Ted held up his hands placatingly. "My friend too. But we both know what Barney is and we both know what Robin's like. So... as if that was ever going to work!"

"Why not?" Lily countered, struggling to keep herself from shouting. "We also know that Robin's not into having kids or even a proper relationship. And she and Barney get on really well and he obviously adores her. Why couldn't they make it work?"

"Because Robin's not into him?" Ted argued.

"Robin's _so_ into him! Those two flirt like it's going out of fashion!"

"Okay, because Barney's a complete womanizer!"

"Ted, Robin's not expecting monogamy."

"Yeah, but there's monogamy and there's Barney, you know?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Ted, you are such a woman."

"Am not," Ted said, pouting, making Lily laugh, even though a pang of guilt went through her. Suppose Robin and Barney had started dating? Would Barney still have kissed her? Would she have kissed Barney back? Lily bit her lip.

"Okay, you do have a point. And that's exactly what I said to Barney." She admitted.

"I can't believe you knew about this all along and didn't tell me!" Ted jibed her.

"After what happened last time? Anyway, I thought Barney had decided not to do anything about it." Lily said, aware that she didn't really need to defend herself. At least, not about _that_.

"Do you really think that, even if Robin had wanted some kind of twisted relationship with him, that Barney wouldn't have ended up hurting her, even if unintentionally?" Ted said, raising an eyebrow.

Lily cursed silently. Ted was probably right. "Maybe. But I assume that's why Robin said no, right?"

Ted nodded and Lily checked her phone, noticing the "new message" symbol had appeared while she'd been talking to Marshall. She quickly checked her messages while Ted was heading out the door.

There was just one new message, from Barney, saying "Sorry".

For some reason, this put Lily on the verge of tears.

*--*--*

Later that evening, Robin and Ted were already at their regular table in McLaren's when Lily arrived, exhausted from work.

"Hey, did anyone else get a text from Barney today?" Ted asked, looking pointedly at Robin.

"Yeah," She mumbled. "What of it?"

"Well, he texted me with 'Sorry' and that makes no sense. What has he got to be sorry for?" Ted asked.

"Jesus, Ted!" Lily exclaimed. "Robin's your ex-girlfriend. You know he has that weird code of conduct thing-"

"The Bro Code," Ted interrupted, "is not weird. Well, some of it is fairly weird…"

"Well, he probably thinks you'll be upset if Robin's upset?" Lily continued.

"I'm not upset!" Robin said, her aggressive tone totally belying her words.

"Well, anyway. Did we all get a 'Sorry' message?" Lily asked.

"You got one too?" Ted looked surprised.

"Sure! I'm Robin's best friend, after all!" Lily stuttered, guiltily.

"Oh," Ted nodded, seeming to believe her but Robin gave her a suspicious look. Lily glared at her right back. After all, if Robin had talked to her last night when she'd offered, her friend would know exactly what was on Lily's mind right now. And what the 'Sorry' message might really be about…!

At that moment, Marshall burst into the bar.

"Hey, anyone else get a 'Sorry' text from Barney?" He chirped. "What's he sorry about this time?"

"I think it's still this whole Robin thing," Ted concluded.

"Hey, right here!" Robin interjected. "Don't I get a say in this?"

"Have you spoken to him?" Lily asked, genuinely hoping that she had.

"Nope," Robin mumbled, the corners of her mouth turning down. "It's not like I haven't left him about six messages either."

Lily cringed. She had a feeling that if this _was_ all about Robin then six messages would have been enough to bring even Barney Stinson out of his shell. She hoped to god that this whole thing wasn't about her. After all, It was only one kiss! One, stupid, drunken kiss! Well, half of it was drunken. What was her excuse?

"He's sulking," Ted offered.

"Then why did he send out all the 'Sorry' messages?" Lily replied. She was now starting to feel really worried.

Ted's phone began to ring and he answered it while Wendy came over and delivered their drinks.

"Hey James!" Ted beamed and nodded to the others. Marshall grinned and bobbed his head as if James could see him. "No, I haven't heard from Barney. Yeah, of course I can, when I next speak to him? Have you tried ringing him? Yeah, that is weird." Ted covered the phone for a second and mouthed to the others: "James got the 'Sorry' message too!"

"Yeah," Ted continued after a pause. "No. No I didn't- Ohmygod? Really? Well, that's a relief but- No! He didn't say anything. James, that's so- well, I'm glad he's out of the woods, but- Yes, of course I'll tell Barney. I'll see you later, okay?"

Ted put his phone down on the table and the others stared at him questioningly.

"James said that they had to take Sam into hospital on Sunday night - suspected meningitis."

"What?" Marshall stuttered.

"Yeah, poor little fella. Apparently Barney was with them all night on Sunday and James sent him home Monday to get some sleep. He hasn't seen or heard from Barney since."

"Is Sam okay?" Lily asked, her heart pounding like a hammer.

"Yeah, they say he's over the worst. It looks like he'll be fine. They'll be in hospital for a while though." Ted paused. "Did any of you know about this?"

There was silence at the table.

"We have to find Barney," Robin said.

There was a lot more silence.

"Well, anyone got any ideas?" She looked around the table, scowling at them as if they'd personally given poor little Sam meningitis.

Lily swallowed. "Guys, I think we ought to go to Barney's apartment." She said, her voice shaking. She felt sick.

Ted held up his hand, "Lily, I already-"

"Ted," She cut him off, using her best school-mistress tone. "On Monday, Barney was worried sick about his nephew, got drunk, told Robin that he loved her then-" She swallowed, biting the confession off so sharply that she almost caught her own tongue in her teeth. "Well, it must have been a pretty brutal evening. The whole 'Sorry' message thing has got me spooked. We need to find him."

Robin went pale. "Hold on, Lily, you don't think he could have- I mean, he wouldn't do something stupid would he?"

Lily took a deep breath. She didn't want to think about it but somehow she couldn't help it.

"Let's go find out." She replied.


	4. Chapter 4

Lily opened the door and they all piled inside the apartment like some really inept version of the Scooby-Doo gang. The living room was in total darkness but Lily quickly found the light switch having got quite used to stumbling around the place when she'd been living there.

She couldn't quite get the lump out of her throat.

"I told you!" Ted said, in a comically-loud whisper. "He's not here."

But as their eyes became accustomed to the light, all of them began to take in the give away details - empty bottles scattered across the floor and sofa, and one of the cut-glass crystal decanters that Barney usually kept his scotch in was upended on the coffee-table. Everything looked slightly skewed and off-kilter, as if someone had recent had a fist fight in the room.

Lily caught Robin's eye. Her friend looked at least as worried as she felt. Barney's words came back to her: "We got a little drunk. It was… a bad day… And I told her." A bad day? Oh Barney…

It had been absolutely the worst day.

"Why in the hell didn't he tell us about Sam?" Ted said, sounding annoyed and offended although Lily could tell that beneath that he was just letting off steam. They were just all so worried!

Robin had sat down on the sofa and had picked up one of the empty bottles of scotch. She quickly got to her feet and darted over to the kitchen table. "Jesus!" She exclaimed, her hand covering her mouth.

Ted and Marshall made it to the counter before Lily so that, at first, she couldn't see what the fuss was about. But when she managed to poke Marshall out of the way, Lily began to shake her head.

"No…" Was all she managed.

There on the counter were three bottles of pills, their caps and contents strewn across the work surface. There were far too few of the little white pills for Lily's liking. She didn't like to think about what had happened to all the rest.

"No." Lily repeated, firmly. "No."

Robin was the first one of them to unfreeze, stumbling over to his bedroom and hitting the light switch. She let out a squeal-croak of horror and grabbed at the door.

This time, Lily didn't run to join the others. "No." She repeated, as if saying the word would somehow make it true. Barney Stinson did not do something so god-damn stupid as that. Not for any reason!

But the nasty, snarky bit of her brain asked: "But what if it hadn't been on purpose? What if he was just trying to drown his sorrows? What if he went on a bender of booze and pills and self-loathing and just killed himself by accident?"

Oh my god, she thought. How could I even think those words?

"NO!" She shouted, pushing Ted and Marshall aside to see Robin lunge for the bed, where Barney lay, face-down, dressed only in a shirt, boxers and socks. The bedroom stank of booze - rank and stale.

"Ohmygod!" Marshall squealed, his words a wobbling falsetto, grabbing at her. "Ohmygod!"

"No…" Ted echoed Lily. "Oh _man_…"

Robin was sobbing, on her knees beside the bed, reaching out to touch the back of his head, her fingers raking through this hair. "Please… oh god, Barney… No. Don't do this…"

Suddenly, there was a groan.

It was like an electric current had passed through everyone in the room, snapping them taut at that single sound.

Barney groaned again, then made an "OW!" sound and moved his head. He opened his eyes to find Robin staring down at him, horrified, tears rolling down her cheeks. She began to beat at him with her fists.

"You bastard! You stupid bastard!" She said, over and over, her voice oddly weary and yet hysterical.

Barney tried to twist around awkwardly to defend himself while Lily ran to the side of the bed to restrain Robin.

"What?" Barney said, sounding like his throat was stuffed with cotton. "WHAT?"

"You bastard! We thought you were DEAD!" Robin screamed at him while Lily held her arms around her.

"Dead?" Barney tried to sit up and slumped back down on the bed, cradling his head. "You're going to kill me if you don't stop shrieking, woman!"

Robin managed to get free of Lily and pushed Barney on to his side, leaned forward and kissed him, hard, aggressively and without pity. She was still crying, but she didn't let go of him and, after a bit, it got embarrassing for the others.

Lily coughed and stood up, eyebrow raised at Marshall and Ted as Barney grabbed the back of Robin's head and made little noises of surprised pleasure.

"Guys," She announced, quickly hurrying them out of the bedroom. "Now's not the time to stand and stare."

And, looking at the two of them on the bed, Lily concluded that perhaps now might also be the time to shut the door and put on the TV.

Very loudly.

*--*--*

Was she a little jealous? Lily watched Barney and Robin at the bar and they looked so normal. They hadn't started making out like teenagers in front of everyone. They hadn't even stopped wailing on each other. They just… fitted. When Barney started eyeing up some gorgeous brown-eyed nineteen-year-old who's just come in the door, Lily could see Robin whispering in his ear and his grin turn up a notch. She wondered vaguely if Robin was suggesting a three-way?

Lily couldn't help but chuckle salaciously.

Later, she managed to get Barney alone at the bar. For a moment, she felt a fleeting frisson run through her but it quickly passed.

He turned and handed her a cosmo without even asking. "I'm sorry, Lil," he said, giving her a puppy-dog, forgive-me look. It was affected enough not to give her the heebs.

"Hey, I'm sorry too. I did just as much kissing of you as you did of me." She thought about that. "Perhaps more!"

He looked at her, non-plussed for a moment. "Oh, _that_!" He chuckled. "Please, Lil, I kiss a lot of people. I barely even remember it."

She punched him on the arm. Hard.

"Okay, okay. I remember it. But it was really weird and… horrible, you know? I'd never think about you in that way!"

She didn't know whether to be offended or not and he could see that. He gave her a lopsided, slightly frantic grin.

"I mean, I _do_ think about you like that. You're a 10, I'm a 10. There's an attractiveness thing there that you can't ignore. But, you know, _Marshall_!"

She laughed. "So you're only worried about Marshall killing you if he ever found out?"

He looked genuinely confused. "No. No! I mean, I could never do _anything_ that could hurt you and Marshall. Not ever! I married the two of you for Christ's sake! I think that means Marshall's not the only big guy who would kick my ass over this!" He looked up, made a prayer shape with his hands and mumbled. "Sorry, Dude!" then grinned. "Besides, you're like my sister. It would be too weird."

Lily laughed, deciding to let it go. "How's Sam?" She asked.

He grinned that goofy grin he wore whenever he was thinking about his nephew. "He's fine. Flirting with all the nurses, of course. That boy's gonna be such a player. Give him about fifteen years. He'll be a heartbreaker."

Lily laughed. "It's good to see happy Barney again," she said.

Barney's grin flickered at he had the good sense to be embarrassed. "Well, yeah. That'll teach me to leave my inner-ear meds all over the kitchen top."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You really scared us."

He looked sheepish. "I know. I really _am_ sorry."

Lily patted his hand. "Perhaps if you say it a few more thousand times, we'll forgive you. All that stress and strain, Barney. Was it worth it?"

His gaze drifted over to where Robin was standing, laughing with Ted, and a slow, secret smile spread over his lips. "Oh, it was worth it," He said.

Lily couldn't have been more proud.

*--*--*

Even later, Marshall followed Barney into the urinals.

"Hmmm," He said, giving Barney a pointed look.

"What?" Barney asked, looking shifty.

"You did say sorry, so I probably shouldn't kill you." Marshall continued, smiling slowly.

Barney shook his head in confusion. "What?"

"And it's not as if you'd ever stand a chance with her," He laughed, lightly. "My wife has better taste."

Realisation dawned in Barney's eyes.

"But luckily, I've got something stored up for just such an occasion as this. I think it'll make us even."

Barney looked as if he was about to protest, but then he nodded once and slowly closed his eyes, tensing just before the blow came.

Barney staggered but did not fall. The noise of the slap rang around the tiny, confined space of the restroom.

"That's four," Marshall said.


End file.
